My Monster

Lurking around the dark corner a monster wacthing at me. It following me to every place I go. The monster called depression. Long time ago I realized that I have a manic depressive syndrome. When I get the sindrome then in a moment my feeling will in high elation but in the next moment will deep sinking in a pole of depression. But because I think that it's not in severe level yet, I always cancelled to go to a shrink.

Last year is better, i didn't have any depression episode. But deep inside me I know the monster is still there. Never vanished. I always worried when it will spring again. Yesterday, the monster started to active one more time. First, in the morning I feel helpless and empty, so I didn't go to work. I just out from my bedroom for bath, after that I hide myself in the bedroom and just read or played a computer game. It's not a lazy behavior, but a condition. I have no power to command my brain and body to do a constructive activity. This morning the condition is better but still I must push myself harder to go. Such an illness. Where will it recover or I should burden with that all my life.